One week into 2006 and things are already a little bit better. I've done my lesson plans through March 29 (purely tentative, but workable), I've had my hair cut, and I've met with my friend/trainer Johnny to get encouragement and instruction on my fitness routines. The bills are paid, the 20th (OH GOD!!!) reunion tickets for Montevallo are purchased and babysitting has been scheduled for February. I had lunch with Sean to catch up on things, spent several days in a weird, restful idle mode, and slept a LOT.
Today, my husband's sisters (need to not call anyone sister-in-law after my earlier post - i didn't include husband's four sisters in that number!) are here from Ohio for a visit. Dani, who visits every year or two, has her two children with her and Sommer, the sister we haven't seen since the wedding 12.5 years ago. This will be great! We'll (hopefully) play games and drink a bit until late in the night. It will be so nice to visit - short though, because they're leaving tomorrow.
More later. They're here!
Saturday, January 07, 2006
Sunday, January 01, 2006
2005: the year in review
It's always good to reflect on the past year as you look forward to the new one. Therefore, on this New Year's Day of 2006, I reflect!
Last January was the coldest, grayest, most hideously lonely month I can remember . . . EVER! My best friend had moved away and had begun pushing me away bit by bit with me stomping the brakes and screetching, "NO! NO!" the whole way. Christmas had passed and Sean wouldn't be returning to town for MONTHS and was ready to put the past in the past and me with it. Not having the benefit of hindsight or foresight (or very good sight at all in this matter), I distracted myself by wandering about frantically trying to deny the reality of my 40th birthday (which happened on January 28th last year . . and word has it - will happen again this year!!! [41st, that is]). I spent my days working, my evenings in class, and my "spare time" working on homework or working out.
Last February broke all the records for me. I had been pretty sure that January had been as bad as it could possibly get. But NO! Not only was I 40 years old, I was also stupid and naive about how bad I could possibly feel about life, the universe, and everything! Valentine's Day came and went in an effort to stamp out a brushfire, which turned into a spewing anger volcano. After that, it seemed that I had burned the last pylon of the friendship bridge I had so desperately wanted to perserve. Life went on, however. The sun continued to rise and set, pulse and respiration were maintained, and I kept productive and fit. My eyes looked hollow and pathetic and a bit dark and wrinkley. My hair hung about my face plainly, and my makeup was unhelpful. BLECH!
March found me having accepted the reality of my 40-ous-ness and attempting to complete what amounted to an independent study in one of my classes in which the professor was totally ineffective at teaching us what we needed to know to complete a high stakes project. This was enough to keep me somewhat focused during the day, and working out with my new friend at the gym - Wil - kept me going with the workouts.
April saw the return of Sean in an unexpected move back from the great beyond. After being home for several days and having several wonderful reunions with friends (about which were blogged), Sean called me to see if I'd like to have lunch. Lunch. Lunch? Lunch!! GD, SOB, MF Lunch! This - which I had missed SO intensely since his move and been deprived of for lo this many months - is the offer I get. Not 1st lunch, not 2nd lunch, but several days into being back and settling in and smelling the cat's breath, and going to lunch with his 2 favorite women in the whole wide world (2 of my faves, too) he calls and asks me to lunch. [necessary aside: childhood memories]
when i was in grade school, i remember the whole "best friend" business got quite ugly from time to time. there was always competition: "am I your best friend or is she?" whenever there was a disagreement, there was the separation, the cold shoulder, the pretending the friend didn't even matter, and then the tearful reuniting. then there was usually a sleepover or pictures together hugging or some stupid girly crap.
Well, this was TOO much like grade school (without the sleepover, pictures, hugging, or stupid girly crap) (ok, maybe not much like grade school)! Although I wanted nothing NOTHING IN THE WORLD more than to have my lunch buddy and best counselor/best friend/artsy intellectual/bleedin' heart liberal democrat commi pinko/ agnostic/ jaded/ glass-half-empty friend back (feel the love?), I am still miffed, hurt, feeling neglected, rejected, dismissed, dissed, and pissed about the whole thing!!!! But of course I had to go. Sean and I got through porcupine-like time and had a few lunches in April and, well, more to come with that . . . . All was OK with the world with me not mad at anyone and noone mad at me.
April was also the month in which my Auntie died. I'm still not done grieving - may never be - but she is out of pain, and she left a legacy of dozens of "children" (she never birthed any, but had many) whose lives she touched so deeply and wonderfully. There is a book - or books - here.
May was warm and sunny and bright and happy. I finally had my lunch buddy back, workouts were going quite well, and with coursework at UAB finished I was tanning at the SportsFirst pool! I had several weeks of vacation-like time to rest and tool-up for the summer which was going to be wildly busy with the children out of school.
June and July blur together because I was working in a 6-week summer education program directed by my new boss. My four children attended these enrichment classes at one school while I managed the UAB students tutoring the K - 4th graders at another school from 8am until noon. The kids handled everything very well, I ate lots of protein and low carbs and worked out and tanned. Oh, yes, I was going to UAB every evening for classes and doing homework, too. My days ran from 6am until about 1am. There was absolutely no time for playing with children or hubby, or for best friend Sean - who at some point during this time had met the love of his life Elizabeth and was certainly no worse for my absence. I think we had one or two lunches all summer, but it was pleasant. Wil was my faithful workout companion and we began a body-fat-loss competition which was overseen by my trainer and friend Johnny. Wil, a humongous, body-building, chicken and rice eating trainer, at twenty-something, loves to workout with weights and hates to do cardio just like me. We found that we could push each other on the cardio equipment when neither of us was in the mood to burn fat. I beat him by like half a percent in the competition and lost about 10 pounds in the process. In mid-July, I was interviewed by and hired by Tarrant City Schools to teach 6th grade math in the fall. This was an answer to prayer because we really coudn't afford for me to have a semester of unpaid internship.
In August, I began working as a teacher in an urban middle school with 80% poverty. This was - and continues to be - a challenge in so many ways. In August, with really no break from academics before career, I brought the momentum of the summer program into my classroom and began. Wil completely disappeared from the planet, although he still came to the gym every day. He really just disappeared from my planet. The tan is faded, too.
In September, the momentum came to a halt as I began to notice the uphill grade on which I had placed myself. No time at the gym, no lunches with buddies, no counselor at all, new co-workers at the school, little time with children and hubby. I'm all alone again.
In October, all I could do was chant to myself "fall break, fall break" for the entire month. When it finally arrived, I spent it getting my haircut, an oil change, a female checkup, and having lunch with Sean and Elizabeth.
November, having just enough of a break to make it until Thanksgiving, my students and I trudged through exponents, exponential notation, and scientific notation. Hubby and I made a fabulous feast for Thanksgiving and the family enjoyed the break together.
December. Ahhhhh, glorious December. The 6th grade teaching team and I ordered a wonderful set of goodies for our students as we shooed them out the door shouting "Merry Christmas!" We all collapsed mentally when the doors were closed. It was the 21st and I still had Christmas cards to label and send out, shopping to do, cleaning to pawn off on someone else, wrapping, and OH YES! I graduated from UAB. That was the 17th, after a wonderfully fun karaoke party on the 16th. That was after a FABULOUS evening of karaoke at the JRag party at B&A warehouse with Elizabeth (Sean was there, too) which was the highlight of my social life for the year. The 18th we went to Mother-in-law's house for Christmas. After that, we rearranged the whole upstairs moving my office to the back room which was Noah's and him into my office in his new bunkbed. Then my office was completely discombobulated for the entire month of December. I finally finished organizing on Friday.
Today, the decorations are down and put away, the upstairs is cleaned and organized. Even had the carpets cleaned professionally yesterday. Still have the downstairs cleaning to do (procrastinating about that right now as I type!), the garage to organiza, and the attic to work in.
It was a crazy (literally insane) year. I did so much all the time. I feel good about what I accomplished. These past few months, I've not made time to workout, but have fallen into bed - emotionally exhausted - night after night after eating comfort foods all day. I'm up at least 10 pounds, but am afraid to find out for sure. I'm meeting with Johnny the trainer on Tuesday. I don't know what I expect him to do, but he sure came through for me last year!
I thank God for the following:
New people in my life in 2005:
Dr. Lynn Kirkland - professor, mentor, boss, friend, encourager, and fellow educator
Lisa B. - fellow towel girl at SportsFirst, friend, drinking and workout buddy, encourager
Mal - fellow towel girl at SportsFirst, friend, workout buddy, billiard queen, graduate of UAB
Brannon - special new friend without whom I KNOW I wouldn't have made it through last summer or this past fall, fellow graduate of UAB, fellow educator, watcher of my children
Johnny - trainer at SportsFirst who helped me WINNNNNNNNNNN the contest with Wil, TOTAL encourager, brightener of any day in which he shows up at the same time at the gym, billiard king, fellow lover of redneck rock including the Eagles
Elizabeth - the love of Sean's life, the most important thing I could ever want for my best friend - LOVE LOVE LOVE (i belive in love)
Keo, Roddy, Porterfield, Hammond, and Jackson - the BEST team of teachers anyone could have, but especially me because I'm new
Smith and Matthews - the best administrators of an urban middle school in the world
Ms. Layton - the most wonderful mentor on planet EARTH and the best math coach in a middle school in the world
120 -or-so smartalecky, arrogant, loud 6th grade students - who call me to a higher purpose every day
People in my life from years past:
Parents - every day with them on this earth is a blessing that I won't ever forget or take for granted
Husband - Chris is the love of my life without whom I wouldn't be able to get up in the morning and face this life.
Children - Jessie, Noah, Annie, and Liz are the four little sunshines in my day EVERY day. They amaze me with their little SELVES - all completely individual from the same set of genes. Incredible, smart, loving, precious, sweet children.
Mother-in-Law and Father-in-law - making wonderful memories for my family and me.
Siblings - we share genes.
Siblings-in-law - we share legally sanctioned relationships.
Old friends - Sean - obviously, Vikki (introduced me to blogging)who is on her own journey, Jeffrey Berger my friend of 20-some-odd years who thinks I'm beautiful, Megan my fellow UAB 5th year student and educator and faithful friend, and many others that if I forget, I'll just duck in and edit this post and add them before they ever find out!
If you've read my long entry, God bless you. You are truly a friend for wanting to know this much about me. I appreciate you for this.
Last January was the coldest, grayest, most hideously lonely month I can remember . . . EVER! My best friend had moved away and had begun pushing me away bit by bit with me stomping the brakes and screetching, "NO! NO!" the whole way. Christmas had passed and Sean wouldn't be returning to town for MONTHS and was ready to put the past in the past and me with it. Not having the benefit of hindsight or foresight (or very good sight at all in this matter), I distracted myself by wandering about frantically trying to deny the reality of my 40th birthday (which happened on January 28th last year . . and word has it - will happen again this year!!! [41st, that is]). I spent my days working, my evenings in class, and my "spare time" working on homework or working out.
Last February broke all the records for me. I had been pretty sure that January had been as bad as it could possibly get. But NO! Not only was I 40 years old, I was also stupid and naive about how bad I could possibly feel about life, the universe, and everything! Valentine's Day came and went in an effort to stamp out a brushfire, which turned into a spewing anger volcano. After that, it seemed that I had burned the last pylon of the friendship bridge I had so desperately wanted to perserve. Life went on, however. The sun continued to rise and set, pulse and respiration were maintained, and I kept productive and fit. My eyes looked hollow and pathetic and a bit dark and wrinkley. My hair hung about my face plainly, and my makeup was unhelpful. BLECH!
March found me having accepted the reality of my 40-ous-ness and attempting to complete what amounted to an independent study in one of my classes in which the professor was totally ineffective at teaching us what we needed to know to complete a high stakes project. This was enough to keep me somewhat focused during the day, and working out with my new friend at the gym - Wil - kept me going with the workouts.
April saw the return of Sean in an unexpected move back from the great beyond. After being home for several days and having several wonderful reunions with friends (about which were blogged), Sean called me to see if I'd like to have lunch. Lunch. Lunch? Lunch!! GD, SOB, MF Lunch! This - which I had missed SO intensely since his move and been deprived of for lo this many months - is the offer I get. Not 1st lunch, not 2nd lunch, but several days into being back and settling in and smelling the cat's breath, and going to lunch with his 2 favorite women in the whole wide world (2 of my faves, too) he calls and asks me to lunch. [necessary aside: childhood memories]
when i was in grade school, i remember the whole "best friend" business got quite ugly from time to time. there was always competition: "am I your best friend or is she?" whenever there was a disagreement, there was the separation, the cold shoulder, the pretending the friend didn't even matter, and then the tearful reuniting. then there was usually a sleepover or pictures together hugging or some stupid girly crap.
Well, this was TOO much like grade school (without the sleepover, pictures, hugging, or stupid girly crap) (ok, maybe not much like grade school)! Although I wanted nothing NOTHING IN THE WORLD more than to have my lunch buddy and best counselor/best friend/artsy intellectual/bleedin' heart liberal democrat commi pinko/ agnostic/ jaded/ glass-half-empty friend back (feel the love?), I am still miffed, hurt, feeling neglected, rejected, dismissed, dissed, and pissed about the whole thing!!!! But of course I had to go. Sean and I got through porcupine-like time and had a few lunches in April and, well, more to come with that . . . . All was OK with the world with me not mad at anyone and noone mad at me.
April was also the month in which my Auntie died. I'm still not done grieving - may never be - but she is out of pain, and she left a legacy of dozens of "children" (she never birthed any, but had many) whose lives she touched so deeply and wonderfully. There is a book - or books - here.
May was warm and sunny and bright and happy. I finally had my lunch buddy back, workouts were going quite well, and with coursework at UAB finished I was tanning at the SportsFirst pool! I had several weeks of vacation-like time to rest and tool-up for the summer which was going to be wildly busy with the children out of school.
June and July blur together because I was working in a 6-week summer education program directed by my new boss. My four children attended these enrichment classes at one school while I managed the UAB students tutoring the K - 4th graders at another school from 8am until noon. The kids handled everything very well, I ate lots of protein and low carbs and worked out and tanned. Oh, yes, I was going to UAB every evening for classes and doing homework, too. My days ran from 6am until about 1am. There was absolutely no time for playing with children or hubby, or for best friend Sean - who at some point during this time had met the love of his life Elizabeth and was certainly no worse for my absence. I think we had one or two lunches all summer, but it was pleasant. Wil was my faithful workout companion and we began a body-fat-loss competition which was overseen by my trainer and friend Johnny. Wil, a humongous, body-building, chicken and rice eating trainer, at twenty-something, loves to workout with weights and hates to do cardio just like me. We found that we could push each other on the cardio equipment when neither of us was in the mood to burn fat. I beat him by like half a percent in the competition and lost about 10 pounds in the process. In mid-July, I was interviewed by and hired by Tarrant City Schools to teach 6th grade math in the fall. This was an answer to prayer because we really coudn't afford for me to have a semester of unpaid internship.
In August, I began working as a teacher in an urban middle school with 80% poverty. This was - and continues to be - a challenge in so many ways. In August, with really no break from academics before career, I brought the momentum of the summer program into my classroom and began. Wil completely disappeared from the planet, although he still came to the gym every day. He really just disappeared from my planet. The tan is faded, too.
In September, the momentum came to a halt as I began to notice the uphill grade on which I had placed myself. No time at the gym, no lunches with buddies, no counselor at all, new co-workers at the school, little time with children and hubby. I'm all alone again.
In October, all I could do was chant to myself "fall break, fall break" for the entire month. When it finally arrived, I spent it getting my haircut, an oil change, a female checkup, and having lunch with Sean and Elizabeth.
November, having just enough of a break to make it until Thanksgiving, my students and I trudged through exponents, exponential notation, and scientific notation. Hubby and I made a fabulous feast for Thanksgiving and the family enjoyed the break together.
December. Ahhhhh, glorious December. The 6th grade teaching team and I ordered a wonderful set of goodies for our students as we shooed them out the door shouting "Merry Christmas!" We all collapsed mentally when the doors were closed. It was the 21st and I still had Christmas cards to label and send out, shopping to do, cleaning to pawn off on someone else, wrapping, and OH YES! I graduated from UAB. That was the 17th, after a wonderfully fun karaoke party on the 16th. That was after a FABULOUS evening of karaoke at the JRag party at B&A warehouse with Elizabeth (Sean was there, too) which was the highlight of my social life for the year. The 18th we went to Mother-in-law's house for Christmas. After that, we rearranged the whole upstairs moving my office to the back room which was Noah's and him into my office in his new bunkbed. Then my office was completely discombobulated for the entire month of December. I finally finished organizing on Friday.
Today, the decorations are down and put away, the upstairs is cleaned and organized. Even had the carpets cleaned professionally yesterday. Still have the downstairs cleaning to do (procrastinating about that right now as I type!), the garage to organiza, and the attic to work in.
It was a crazy (literally insane) year. I did so much all the time. I feel good about what I accomplished. These past few months, I've not made time to workout, but have fallen into bed - emotionally exhausted - night after night after eating comfort foods all day. I'm up at least 10 pounds, but am afraid to find out for sure. I'm meeting with Johnny the trainer on Tuesday. I don't know what I expect him to do, but he sure came through for me last year!
I thank God for the following:
New people in my life in 2005:
Dr. Lynn Kirkland - professor, mentor, boss, friend, encourager, and fellow educator
Lisa B. - fellow towel girl at SportsFirst, friend, drinking and workout buddy, encourager
Mal - fellow towel girl at SportsFirst, friend, workout buddy, billiard queen, graduate of UAB
Brannon - special new friend without whom I KNOW I wouldn't have made it through last summer or this past fall, fellow graduate of UAB, fellow educator, watcher of my children
Johnny - trainer at SportsFirst who helped me WINNNNNNNNNNN the contest with Wil, TOTAL encourager, brightener of any day in which he shows up at the same time at the gym, billiard king, fellow lover of redneck rock including the Eagles
Elizabeth - the love of Sean's life, the most important thing I could ever want for my best friend - LOVE LOVE LOVE (i belive in love)
Keo, Roddy, Porterfield, Hammond, and Jackson - the BEST team of teachers anyone could have, but especially me because I'm new
Smith and Matthews - the best administrators of an urban middle school in the world
Ms. Layton - the most wonderful mentor on planet EARTH and the best math coach in a middle school in the world
120 -or-so smartalecky, arrogant, loud 6th grade students - who call me to a higher purpose every day
People in my life from years past:
Parents - every day with them on this earth is a blessing that I won't ever forget or take for granted
Husband - Chris is the love of my life without whom I wouldn't be able to get up in the morning and face this life.
Children - Jessie, Noah, Annie, and Liz are the four little sunshines in my day EVERY day. They amaze me with their little SELVES - all completely individual from the same set of genes. Incredible, smart, loving, precious, sweet children.
Mother-in-Law and Father-in-law - making wonderful memories for my family and me.
Siblings - we share genes.
Siblings-in-law - we share legally sanctioned relationships.
Old friends - Sean - obviously, Vikki (introduced me to blogging)who is on her own journey, Jeffrey Berger my friend of 20-some-odd years who thinks I'm beautiful, Megan my fellow UAB 5th year student and educator and faithful friend, and many others that if I forget, I'll just duck in and edit this post and add them before they ever find out!
If you've read my long entry, God bless you. You are truly a friend for wanting to know this much about me. I appreciate you for this.
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