I drive me completely crazy!

Admittedly, it's not a long-distance drive (in the South, we'd say "fur piece") or anything, but I absolutely don't understand myself sometimes. When faced with the syllabi (plural for syllabus, because syllabusses sounds so stupid and syllabi doesn't?), I'm plunking down the necessary time to read about 40 novels between now and May, no less than 4 textbooks, countless articles, and who knows what else! I'll also write multiple entries in my journal (as an assignment), create a literature file entry for each book I read, and write multiple papers for each class.

What is it inside me that drives me to know beyond a shadow of a doubt that I'll do all this work and make and "A" in each class while taking care of 4 small children, my house, my job, my husband, my friends, and my fitness needs? If I weren't taking these classes that had these assignments neatly listed with due dates on a piece of cheap copier paper, would I do anywhere near this much mental work? NO!

Why is the business of my LIFE and enriching it with literature and writing activities less important than these stupid classes? Why don't I have a sense of urgency and importance about every day that I have on Planet Earth?

I could die in my sleep having never written the great novel. I could be in a traffic accident tomorrow having never read all the classic novels, never having seen a Broadway musical, never having been to the opera or the ballet. Yet, if you have a PhD after your last name, and I'm paying you gobs of money to complete a transcript, and you hand me a cheap piece of copier paper with a schedule of activities on it, my little brain just sets to work to figure out the best way to accomplish everything you ask and MORE! That is quite maddening.

Maybe that's why faith is so difficult for me. God Almighty didn't give me a syllabus when I decided to believe in Him. He didn't give me a "to do" list, a timetable, or even a set of precise instructions. He provided a great basic direction in the Bible, and I really appreciate it, but I think way too much to be left alone with all this time, money, resources and energy. God must be a constructivist.